A True Measure of Wealth
Lately, I have been struck by the value of Family.
This wistfulness, if I can call it that, is likely a result of finishing the first year of a new marriage, growing closer to the step-children it brought along for good measure, and the recent vacation enjoyed with all. Likewise this is a function of recently babysitting for our friends, whose newborn daughter brings my wife endless joy in her Grandmother Role, if only by proxy.
Children convey the strongest sense of Family. Indeed, “Family” is defined first and foremost as ”the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children.”1 Children are The Future.
I regret not having children. To many people today, having children is being selfish, as Malthus’ influence is felt beyond the grave.2 For my part, I think Malthus’ ignorance of productivity gains gives the lie to his “trap”. I will go further and state what I think is a simple and self-evident truth; a culture that has more children and grows in size, lives. A society that has fewer children and shrinks in size, dies. People that say, “oh, Earth can never support THAT many people!” are pessimists and ignorant of human creativity.
People get things backwards. The price of having children is not too high. The price of not having children is too high. It means that I don’t get to discharge that primary biological function, pun intended. Socially, I suffer. Unless otherwise notably distinguished, childlessness gives one permanent second-class family member social status. Finally, Children are You. Setting aside religious belief, children seem to be one’s only true hold on immortality. No children means no Life after Death. Maybe that’s the loss I feel.
Nevertheless, without Children I still have Family. It seems both the religious and otherwise have an out….Family. Believers have an “out” vis-à-vis the existential issue above because God, but even without religion one is powerfully drawn to Family. Our “selfish” genes”3 (or God?) know better than we do; they “know” our brothers and sisters and cousins carry part of our genes, so caring for them is also caring for yourself. Family is Solace. Family is You.
But Family can be more than Blood. Back to the dictionary; Family is also defined as
a group of individuals living under one roof (a household),
a group of persons of common ancestry (a family of families), and/or
a group of people united by conviction (a belief or religion).
So a family can be one of a household, or of relations, or of belief, not just of direct biology. Doubtless many additional frameworks exist.
I am part of a household; hence my wife and I are a small family. Through her, I have step-children. I enjoy that role, and larger family.
Likewise, I am part of 2 clans, that of my mother and father. Both are larger families of families, as they contain myself, my sister and her family, and all my cousins and their families. I have but one remaining step-aunt; tick-tock, tick-tock…
Am I in a Family by conviction or belief? An Identity can become a Family. I accompany my wife to a church, but am unable to partake of Communion. Likewise, nuanced political positions orphan me; political families seem best populated by partisans, like religions believers. For me, it seems, Family currently only runs through Marriage and Blood, but the mileage of others will vary.
Still, Family by Marriage and Blood is large enough for me. Now we turn to the question lurking in the background; why care? Because Family is valuable. Why? What is the value of Family, even if it is not “biologically yours”?
The value of Family is the support of Life. Whether via bonds of Marriage, Blood, or Conviction, participation in Family is living life in a noble and good way, for the benefit of yourself and others. Witness how the “grandmother role” is so important. Can you play the role of a Mother or Aunt? How about the role of a Good Aunt or Uncle? Are you a Family of Friends? Are you able to discharge the role of Good Friend?
And…how do you know you’re being “good”? Consider the search for happiness, and how looking for happiness within results in emptiness. Happiness is found in searching for the happiness of others. That is your guide to the roles you assume. So, Family is Fellowship. Feed that feedback loop. Care for each other.
There are, of course, infinite and unending costs to Family, irrespective of whether one is a parent, a child, a sibling, a cousin, a friend, or compatriot.
The opportunity cost of not participating in Family is even higher.
I am thus thankful for Family, and its Roles. And who among us can say the cost of family is not itself its own reward? Recently a stepchild had a need; I was able to fulfill it. This fulfillment came with a real price.
Aren’t these the types of problems we wish everyone had? It’s nice to be needed.
Family provides a true measure of wealth.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/family
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Robert_Malthus
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Selfish_Gene